How do I ask my partner to do more around the house?
By the time you raise it, it can come out as every dish you have ever washed. Asking for one specific change keeps it about the house and not about them.
Tonecraft lets you rehearse it first. Describe what is happening, choose gentle, direct or firm, and walk through six turns. At each turn you see three ways they might answer.
Three ways to open
Gentle
I'd like us to talk about the house. I'm doing most of the cooking and cleaning, and I'm tired. Could we split it so it feels fair to both of us?
Direct
I'm doing most of the cooking and cleaning, and I need that to change. Can we agree on who does what each week?
Firm
I'm not going to keep doing most of the housework. I need us to split it evenly, starting this week.
What to expect
Three ways they might answer. Each is plausible, not a prediction of what they will say.
Hears you out
You're right. Let's write down who does what.
Pushes back
I work longer hours than you do.
Brushes it off
I do plenty. You just don't notice.
A message to send after
Edit it to fit, then send it yourself
Rehearse this with your details
Thanks for talking about it. To confirm what we agreed: you take the dishes and the laundry, I take the cooking, and we look at it again in a month.
Your first five rehearsals are free. No card needed.