How do I tell a friend they hurt my feelings?
Saying nothing keeps the peace for a while, then it shows up as distance. Naming the one thing that hurt, and that you want to keep the friendship, makes it easier to hear.
Tonecraft lets you rehearse it first. Describe what is happening, choose gentle, direct or firm, and walk through six turns. At each turn you see three ways they might answer.
Three ways to open
Gentle
Can I tell you something that's been on my mind? What you said about my job at dinner hurt. I'm telling you because I want us to stay close.
Direct
What you said about my job at dinner hurt me. I want to be honest about it, because I care about our friendship.
Firm
The comment about my job at dinner hurt. I don't want it to happen again.
What to expect
Three ways they might answer. Each is plausible, not a prediction of what they will say.
Hears you out
I'm sorry. I didn't realise how it came across.
Pushes back
I was only joking. You're being sensitive.
Brushes it off
Okay. Noted.
A message to send after
Edit it to fit, then send it yourself
Rehearse this with your details
Thanks for hearing me out. I said it because the friendship matters to me, and I'm glad we talked.
Your first five rehearsals are free. No card needed.